Kudos & Criticism 
by Ambrosia Software Users

This section features reader responses to Ambrosia’s software & service. We will include the good with the bad and address any problems brought to our attention. These are real people, writing real letters about real issues. Feel free to drop us a line.

                                                Address

>> “ I can’t get enough of this game! My pets are starving and my wife is threatening to leave me! The grass in the front yard is knee high, and the paper boy won’t come no more. I’m afraid the mailman may be next, and I just sent my registration check a week or so ago! What if he or she decides the house is condemned and I never receive the registration card!!”
                                                           Leland Coby Rangel 

—Leland, first of all, you are not alone. We receive many similar letters and are thinking of starting up support groups for users and their families. My advice is to set your wife up with her own computer so she too can play Maelstrom ( if you put the Mac’s side by side and add a little candlelight, many a romantic evening is to come). Next, trade whatever pets you currently have in for sheep. That way you will have pets that do not need feeding and a neat lawn as well. Hopefully the sheep grazed lawn will be enough to let the postal authorities know that you are still in residence. Rest assured if your registration card comes back addressee unknown we will follow standard Ambrosia procedure. We tie the card around Hector’s neck, whisper your address in his ear and let him go. Please be patient, Hector does not yet have all of his flight feathers and he can’t hitchhike because parrots don’t have thumbs.

>> “The art director at an agency I do work for has been playing Maelstrom a lot lately, and is really getting into it. This morning on his way to work, an accident occurred directly ahead of him. As the two cars came spinning towards him, the thought instantly flashed into his mind, “This is just like Maelstrom!” He reacted the same way he does when trying to avoid asteroids and stuff, and was able to slip through the swirling wreckage without hitting hit!”

 

Ray Dunakin

—Who said video games do not have practical applications in life? Ambrosia is always happy to help prevent tragedy in life by instilling people with the appropriate survival instincts.  Just remember that shields do not work as well in real life situations (an appropriate substitute is to close your eyes and clench your teeth while bracing for impact). 

Currently we are involved with a hush hush project with the government. We are going to send the military dictators of Haiti copies of Maelstrom in an effort to keep them indoors while our boys storm the beaches. The Pentagon thinks it will produce the same effect as a four hour naval bombardment, but will cost only $15 (we gave them our tyrant suppression discount). 

>> “As a woman, I was offended by the female moaning sound effect in Maelstrom when you shoot a score multiplier.”

Anonymous

—Sorry about that. It is difficult to produce anything for mass distribution that will not offend anyone. Please refer to the How To section of this newsletter. This will show you how to edit sound effects in both Maelstrom & Chiral. Please feel free to change any sound to your liking. In the Ambrosia forum on AOL people often upload completed alternate sound files. You may want to give one of these a try.

>> “Why do you go to the trouble of accepting MasterCard & Visa but not American Express?”
                                                                 Anonymous

—Technically Ambrosia is considered a mail order operation. Without a store front business it is exceedingly difficult for a company our size to qualify for any credit card services. We started with MC & Visa because they are the most common. AmEx takes a bigger bite out of credit transactions. This makes them unattractive to us. Plus we figure if we hold out, Visa will ask us to do a commercial with them; “You had better bring your Visa when you go online, because Ambrosia Software doesn’t take American Express...” We also find that most people who have AmEx also carry Visa & MC.